Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

And the sadness?

Does believing in God and Satan cause schizophrenia?

You are like me, then.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Why do atheists always argue about the existence of suffering in the world as meaning God doesn't exist when it doesn't prove anything?

I had run out of hope.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s still here.

What are some important works of Marcel Proust (novelist)?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I was tired of fighting.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

What do you do to make yourself sleep early?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What is the most inappropriate experience you have had with a friend's daughter?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Do you think the number of sissies is on the rise?

I was tired of trying and failing.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

How do you say "I don't speak French yet, but I hope to speak it well one day. It would be a pleasure to learn French with you. Would you like to teach me French?" in French? Could you add audio?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

The sadness was still there.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

What is a good way to conduct an interview?

Be who you already are.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

If James Bond is meant to be the best secret agent in the world, how come all the bad guys in the World seem to know who he is?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.